If you like our Facebook page and see our status updates on your feed or if you follow me on Twitter, you most likely already know that our boy, Rupert, was really sick last night. (If you don’t follow us, you should probably start immediately so you don’t miss important stuff like this. Just sayin’…)
Rupert’s illness was sudden and really scary. In fact, for a while, I thought he was dying and I was, of course, appropriately hysterical, which made the whole situation much more dramatic. Here’s how it all played out.
I’ve been battling a migraine on and off since Saturday. Yesterday was particularly hideous. I ran out of my migraine medicine early in the morning, leaving me with only prescription strength Aleve and a leather strap to bite for pain relief. I left work a little after noon and by 12:45 I was tucked up in bed with Rupert and Little Bit doing their best to nurse me back to health.
Having my sweet babies comfort me and keep me company is always great; however, just like human kiddos, pets require care and attention no matter how rotten you feel. So, every hour or so, I scraped myself out of bed and the three of us made our way outside for a potty break. In mid-afternoon, I noticed Little Bit had killed a salamander and left it by the back door. Yay! Presents! Nothing says, “Get Well Soon!” like a rotting corpse on your doorstep. Dead things are always gross, but when your head is pounding and your brain feels like it’s oozing out your ears, you’ll do just about anything to avoid dealing with it. So, I pretended like I didn’t see it – until Ed got home. Then (feigning surprise) I was like, “Oh, crap! Look! Little Bit killed a lizard thing and ate it’s back legs! I don’t even know what this thing is! It’s right outside the door and there are flies circling it! Holy sh^&! I can’t pick that up, Ed. My head’s killing me. You need to do it.”
Later, when I let the animals outside again, I noticed the dead thing was gone. Naturally, I assumed Ed had picked it up. Well, you know what they say, “When you assume, you make and ass out of you and me. Oh, and your Chihuahua gets explosive diarrhea!” You guessed it. Rupert saved Ed the trouble of picking up the rotting salamander by gobbling it all up! I hope it tasted good going down because that salamander had the last laugh!
I don’t know if salamanders are poisonous, as our neighbor informed me knowingly when we spoke earlier tonight, or if it was because it sat out in the hot sun for hours before Rupert decided he needed a snack, but the consequences of eating it were dire. Ru not only puked like he’d been doing keg stands all night, but, as the title suggests, there was the added bonus of EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA. Imagine, if you will, the horror of watching jet-propelled nuclear waste-infused rocket fuel shoot out of your 4 pound dog’s butt – AT 1 A.M. – when you have a migraine! WORSE THAN ANY HORROR MOVIE EVER! I’m sure it was pretty rough on Rupert, too.
Right about now you may be wondering about the “upside” mentioned in the title. We found a great vet! After Pet WebMDing Rupert’s symptoms at 2 a.m. (Yes, there is such a thing.), it was pretty clear he needed to see a doctor. I ended up taking Ru over to Bingle Veterinary Clinic, conveniently located in our wonderful neighborhood of Spring Branch, bright and early this morning. I cannot recommend Bingle Vet highly enough. The clinic, itself, is brand new and state of the art. Everything is shiny, high-tech, and CLEAN. (I believe I’ve mentioned before how important the clean thing is to me.) More importantly, the staff and the vet, Dr. Tesh, were amazing. You’ve got to love a vet who walks in, says hi, then cuddles your sick dog to his chest saying, “We’re going to be friends, Rupert, because I’m going to take care of you.” Rupert and I both think he’s the best! Even better, 2 shots and some suspension drops later, Rupert is on the mend. In fact, he spent the last 40 minutes rearranging his treasures and humping his stuffed Eeyore. After an eventful 24 hours, things at the Golemon house are getting back to normal.