Posts Tagged: Spanx

Hey, Mike and Shanna, You’re Going to Have the Best Wedding EVER!

As you probably recall, my friend, Mike, is getting married in a couple of weeks. Remember, I don’t like getting dressed up? I have to buy clothes? Blah, blah, blah, blah…

Well, my old friend, the Universe, knows I’ve been in the middle of a craptastic poopstorm the past couple of weeks and it’s decided to cut me some slack. Thank you, Universe. I needed a little light at the end of the tunnel! So, not only am I ready for my TSA cavity search, a trip to Atlanta, and, yes, even putting on fancy clothes, I’M REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO IT! Well, maybe not the cavity search, but that’s what I get for mentioning 9/11 in that first post… What’s more, I just know this is going to be the best wedding EVER! How do I know this? I found a super cute dress that I can’t wait to wear…  AND IT DOESN’T REQUIRE SPANX! If that’s not a good omen, I don’t know what is!

Look out Atlanta (and Mike and Shanna)! Ed and I are coming!

Playing Dress Up

I’m not what you, or probably anyone else for that matter, would call a girly-girl. It’s not because I don’t like the idea of wearing pretty clothes, having my hair and make-up fixed, and feeling feminine. I like that idea a lot, actually. It’s just when I do get all dressed up, I don’t feel right. Maybe I’m doing it wrong, but, when I get dressed up, I feel like the picture below. No, that’s not real make-up. I stopped wearing blue eye shadow last year.

If I ever win the lottery, I’ll pay someone to pick out all of my clothes and tell me what to wear every single day. I’ll also have to pay someone to come to my house and fix my hair and make-up because I’m hopeless at that, too. That’s AFTER I do a lot of charitable, philanthropic Oprah-like stuff first, of course. I just want to put that out there – don’t want you to think I’m shallow or anything.

What can I say? I’m a woman in need of a make-over. Luckily, I work in a casual office. It’s so casual I can wear jeans to work almost every day of the year, which is AWESOME until someone dies or gets married. Then I have to buy clothes. I don’t like buying clothes. Shopping is not my friend.

Me, only betterWhich brings me to the point of today’s post. My friend, Michael, is getting married. I have to buy clothes. Don’t get me wrong. I am super happy for Michael. He waited a long time to find the right woman. Michael is a great guy who deserves a lifetime of happiness. I’m thrilled Ed and I will be there to celebrate the special day with the future Mr. and Mrs. I’m just sorry that day will ABSOLUTELY require Spanx.

So, I’ll spend the next month shopping online for dresses to fit the body I imagine I’ll have on the day of the wedding. Then, about a week before the actual wedding, I’ll buy a dress to fit the body I really have. Hmmm… It all sounds so sad when I put it in writing, but I’ll pull it off in the end. I always do. I can’t be the only woman who does this can I?

[This whole wedding thing is a big deal! We get to go to Atlanta. I haven’t flown since before 9/11, so I plan on getting a few posts out of this baby! Subscribe and stay tuned. I’m probably on some NSA watch list now because I just put 9/11 in my post. Subscribe and see what the NSA is talking about!]